The Big Q: Am I Still On an Ego Trip?

By |2019-01-29T13:17:12-06:00January 29th, 2019|Book excerpts|0 Comments

The answer: I’ll let you decide!

Am I still on an ego trip regarding how the Lord has used me? And what’s my answer, my evaluation of my “spiritual self?”

That’s a good question, I’d have to reply. And to be perfectly honest, I’d have to say I’m not really sure. There are times I feel I’ve gotten over the “value” of my own assessment of my spirituality, and then there are times when I’m still disappointed with how God has used me throughout my life.

To give you a little glimpse of what I’m talking about, I ask you to check out one of the lessons included in my book, Discovering Jesus in the Least.

Learning to Impact: Laborers for the Kingdom

I’ve been blessed—or cursed—with a great missionary zeal for most of my Christian life. I just don’t understand why more Christians don’t feel called to go across the world with this precious gospel that has saved our lives.

I always thought I’d be called to be some kind of big evangelist or missionary leader.

And I have been blessed to be a writer (of sorts), a “housing manager (of sorts), a shelter manager, and a soup-kitchen and food pantry coordinator.

But you see, it doesn’t seem like God has used me like I thought he would—or should?

Now you’re probably thinking, “Wow! This guy must really have some kind of ego!” And this I cannot deny.

This truth was brought home to me by the late Professor John Bray of North Park University in Chicago, who taught a few classes at JPUSA.

In one class he admonished us (JPUSA’s) not to compare ourselves with other Christian who may appear outwardly to . be more used of God. He calmly remarked, “If you think you have not amounted to anything for God, then you’re still on an ego trip!”

So you see a little of what I’m talking about. And as I view myself now, I’d have to say that it’s like I’m telling God that how he’s been using me throughout my adult life hasn’t really been “good enough.”

Good enough for who? For me, of course! For me and my inflated ego!

But if what God has asked me to do is good enough for him . . .  well then, who am I to be dissatisfied? Because if God wanted to use me in different ways than I thought he might, he had plenty of opportunities.

And if he chose not to . . . who am I to complain?

Don’t answer that.

So what’s my lesson for today—for this time in my life? I think that it’s to be genuinely blessed that God has chosen to use me in the many ways that he has used me. I mean, he could have done a lot worse, right?

Right. Thank you, Lord, for your calling in my life. And please forgive me whenever I tell you that it’s not “enough” for me.   For it’s not really true.

Thanks for stopping by.